I’ve been very quiet for a long time and thought before I signed off completely I would do one last blog post that alerts people to how quickly their lives can fall apart.
I’ve been fighting a mystery illness for about four years now. I’ve begged Doctors to dig into it but other than treat the symptoms they have always brushed me off and told me I was overreacting.
In January of this year it all came to a head and I started suffering with one or multiples of my symptoms on an almost daily basis. Luckily, being with a new Doctors surgery I finally had a Doctor who listened and believed that there was something bigger going on and so a string of testing began.
Now, during all of this I got too sick to work and haven’t been able to since. Now I really intelligently went to work for a company who don’t insure their staff against long term illness so if you are ill then tough shit. Now short term that’s a struggle. Long term like nearly 6 months long term and its ended up with us losing the car, almost losing our home and I’ve even had to quit my job and start working freelance because I can’t afford to be off sick any longer and they won’t let me back without the Drs sign off which I can’t get yet. Oh yes, and the only nice thing they did for me during the whole time I was ill (and only after i tried killing myself) is now biting me in the ass and will end up as an invoice and no final pay…thanks then! Three years of loyalty down the pan!
Too be honest though who wants to work for a company who would rather see their staff go into mental and financial demise than actually offer proper benefits. At least now I’m working freelance I have full control.
I have got a diagnosis now but it can only be controlled by diet as its something called Histamine Intolerance so I can’t eat anything interesting anymore or drink alcohol again or basically live life in any way. Restaurants are certainly out going forward! I’ve now got anaemia and vitamin D deficiency and my depression is running rampant aswell and I’m avoiding my doctor because I can’t afford sick notes.
To top it all off I don’t have money to pay the rent or bills, I’ve been borrowing money for food from my parents. This isn’t how a 33 year old should be living their life.
This is no life.
I wouldn’t wish my life on anybody.
After 4 years of fighting for answers this isn’t how I thought it would feel to finally know what was wrong and how to move forward. Unfortunately, other circumstances have totally blinded my joy at having answers at last and that those answers aren’t the horrendous things that I had been prepared for by the doctors. It’s amazing how in a few months your entire life can get completely ripped apart.
I have people I blame but ultimately I blame myself. I should never have taken a job somewhere without proper employee benefits, I’ve never done that before and I was an absolute idiot for not doing it this time and I have definitely learned my lesson the hard way! There is no excuse!
So this is it, my final entry on the blog. What comes next I’m not sure. I have some freelance work and hopefully it’s not too little too late. It feels like it could be, but we will see.